The Onion Archives | News In Brief

VOLUME 31 ISSUE 23 — 8 JULY 1997

Stock Market 'Best Since 1928,' Say Investors

NEW YORK—Wall Street insiders are hailing the current bull market as the best since 1928, The Wall Street Journal reported Tuesday. "The Dow is on an unstoppable rocket-ship ride into the outer stratosphere of fiscal health and prosperity," H&R Block broker Phillip Guyer said. "I see no reason why this upward trend shouldn't continue forever. To celebrate, I think I'll buy myself one of those newfangled horseless automobiles—on credit!"