Felt totally depressed and unmotivated this morning. Woke up with a backache, knee pain, about 5:45 and read email until 6:30 when Joey came downstairs to ask for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Drove to Sandy to check out an elliptical running machine we might get cheap, then stopped and Walgreens and picked up some Ben-Gay for my knee, some Vivarin, and Excedrin. Also some Alleve to take at night. This back pain is getting to be a drag. I suppose I should stay off the stairs with the knee, but it's hard.

Anyway, it's 11:30, and I actually feel pretty good, mentally, despite being bloodshot and sorta tired. All I can do is write the dissertation. If they want to reject it, that is their problem. All I have to do is write it. And to write it, I just have to write a paragraph at a time. And it's time to go into a full-court press, working 6-10 in the mornings and 9-11 at night. And I *must* work on weekends because I can't toss four days a month.

I was reading about the Old Testament prophet Ezra last night, and the message was pretty clear: reading scriptures is foundational to everything else you are doing. And I haven't been reading much lately.

Fear of losing my job is surpassed only fear of losing my family, but the two are intertwined.