rabbit blog

Cons of Quitting Coffee



Total inability to write anything of consequence, but who really cares what a mediocre drivel a sad, small mind like yours might churn out anyway?



Total inability to write anything funny, and there's nothing funny about it



Pit of despair stretches to encompass entire day



Death of ambition, vision, enthusiasm, energy, generosity



No good reason to get out of bed, leave house, answer phone, etc.





When I told my exboyfriend Jake that I was quitting coffee, he was furious at me. He was more outraged than he would've been if I'd said I was cheating on my taxes, or that I ran over a few dozen schoolchildren on the way home from the In 'n' Out Burger. I was patient, though (OK, maybe quitting coffee made me a little more patient - but that's not surprising, since I barely had a pulse). I explained about the pit of despair, in the afternoon. He said, "That just means you need more coffee!"